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hallucinogenic ideas  chocolate covered gummy bears, pickles, moon pies, M&M s, every Little
Debbie snack treat imaginable from Twinkies to Swiss Rolls, and a computer printed picture of
Drew s hand covered in chocolate. Trays of chocolate covered crap litter the counters, and I berate
myself for all of those hours we spent NOT coming up with a good idea. At least Drew manages to
frost all two-hundred cookies for the order that's being picked up today. It makes my hatred for him
go down just a tiny bit.
 The peanut butter on your cock is delicious.
 DREW! I yell again in warning.
 Sorry! he yells back, trying to mask his giggles.
 Cock, the other white meat.
I open my mouth to scream another threat at Drew, this one to his manhood, when an idea
strikes.
I glance at the clock and quickly rush around the kitchen, grabbing the ingredients I need. While
I wait for the chocolate to melt, I grab a small, white packaging box from under the counter. I prepare
it by adding a sheet of pink tissue paper inside to line the box and affix a  Seduction and Snacks
sticker to the outside. I watch the clock out of the corner of my eye as I get down to business,
crossing my fingers, toes, and even my legs that this idea would work.
Thirty minutes later I finish placing the last of the new candy inside the box, seal the lid closed,
tie a neat, pink and white ribbon around it, and grab my purse from under the counter.
 Drew, I m leaving. Don t forget to go next door and wait for Liz s delivery so you can sign
for it, I yell to him as I head to the front door to make sure the  Closed sign is in place. I have about
twenty minutes now to run home, pick up Gavin, and drive to the meeting spot. The magazine
adamantly insists that I bring Gavin with me. This magazine interviewes people due to customer
recommendations. Customers write into the magazine and suggest businesses they believe should be
spotlighted for one reason or another.
The magazine had done some research, made some calls, and for whatever reason decided
 Seduction and Snacks needed a write up. When the magazine called to set up the interview, they
told Jenny that the customers raved not only about the sweets we sold but also about the owner s
mouthy little son that ran around the store and made everyone laugh. It had been a toss-up on whether
or not I should be horrified by this or happy that Gavin s penchant for swear words and constant talk
about his wiener was finally doing something good in the world.
It's still hard to wrap my head around the fact that our businesses had taken off so quickly.
Never underestimate the need for sugar and sex in small-town-America. With one last look around
the darkened store to make sure everything is in order, I step outside to the faint sound of the computer
speaking one last Drew-initiated command.
 Son of a face turd, you whore. Touch my taint and tickle my balls.
~
I walk into Playland McDonalds with butterflies flapping in my stomach and my hand clutched
tightly around Gavin s.
I don t know why I m so nervous. I ve done a few phone interviews since we opened and
those had been a piece of cake. Maybe it's the fact that I ve never done something like this with my
son right next to me - my lovely son who likes to talk to random strangers about his poop.
This will be fine. No big deal. Just a couple of questions. Easy peasy.
 Remember, best behavior, I remind Gavin as we make our way through the crowded
restaurant to a booth in the back. I can see the interviewer already seated with her laptop open on the
table. We make eye contact and she gives me a wave.
 I want to play in the playland, Gavin whines.
 You will, as soon as the interview is over.
 That s dumb, he mutters.
 Too bad. Be good and you can get a Happy Meal.
 Can I have pop too? he asks.
I pause, contemplating his request. Being a parent is tough, especially when it comes to
negotiations. You don t want your kids to think they can have whatever they ask for, but you also
don t want them to tell the interviewer of a national magazine that their nuts smell like cheese and it s
because she s so ugly. Pick your battles, people.
 Yes, you can have pop. If you re good.
We arrive at the table and introductions are made. I direct Gavin in first so he can sit by the
window and then slide in next to him.
 Hi, Gavin, my name is Lisa. I love your shirt, the interviewer from The Best of Baking says
with a smile.
Gavin looks down at the shirt Drew had bought him a few weeks ago. It's black and in white
writing reads,  Parental Advisory: Lock up your daughters.
He just shrugs in response, and I resist the urge to shoot him the evil eye and remind him to be
good.
 This is just going to be an informal type of interview, Lisa explains.  I just want to ask some
questions and chit chat. Just pretend like I m one of your girlfriends.
She has a huge smile on her face like I totally understand what she's talking about. She
obviously has never met my girlfriends. We don t sit around in dresses, sipping daintily from glasses
of champagne while we politely discuss politics. We chug beers, do shots, and call each other
thunder cunts.
I slide the white box across the table towards her, figuring I might as well start right off the bat
with the bribery.
Lisa s eyes light up when she sees the white box with our signature pink ribbon around it.
 Oh my goddness, you brought me chocolate! she exclaims.
 It s something new I m trying out. I crumble up crispy bacon and mix it with white chocolate.
The clusters are drizzled with caramel and butterscotch. They re called Bacolate Bunches, I tell
her.
She tears into the box and takes a bite out of one of the clusters. She moans and groans and
sighs for so long it gets a little uncomfortable. I'm now privy to what Lisa sounds like when she has
sex. Awkward. But at least she likes my spur of the moment candy invention.
 So, Gavin, how are you doing today? Lisa asks after she finishes the chocolate and finally
gets down to business.
 I wanna play, this is boring, he complains while staring longingly at the other children who
are running and screaming around the play area.
 Gavin, be nice, I warn under my breath with clenched teeth and a smile on my face for Lisa.
 Oh, it s fine! she tells me cheerfully.  I d like to play on those toys too, she says to Gavin. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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